“It makes me question if ever we override extroversion or introversion for the sake of what we love.” I’ve always wondered this in the fluctuations between extroversion and introversion i’ve seen me go through but now that you raise this question I do think love can shift us that powerfully. The shy man who sees his dream girl or the timid woman who comes alive on stage. Love can shift us from who we are to what the moment needs us to be.
mmmm thank you for bringing this into the comment section. I feel it entirely and I’m glad that we’re beings who can be pulled to shift when love calls us ❤️I can think of a few moments when I’ve noticed that fluctuation in myself or others too
Amara, as usual it seems your words are speaking directly to my soul! I think we are the same kind of type A introvert - lover of our solitude and lover of expanding through connection with people from all around the world. But then to be able to lovingly retreat back into ourselves and our own energy is such a beautiful thing. The stories you’ve shared here have me taking notes about where to go when I am feeling the need to tend to my solitude (like right now).
I never would have expected Hungary to be on this list, and that’s one of the many things I love about your essays. So many surprises about where you’ve been and what you’ve observed. Thank you for this gentle love letter to introverts. I feel we are not always appreciated, as you said, while living in an extroverted world.
I’m so glad that this spoke to you! Thank you for the love ❤️ I feel that many seem to resonate with this boundaried out-going/type A introveredness and i’m so grateful to be seen in this <3 Also, I look forward to hearing how this feels as you continue to travel.
Hungary was such a surprise!! I am tempted to recommend it in the summer just for some warmth and difference. Thanks for your reading and also for calling this a love letter to us, I hadn’t seen it in that way but grateful that you did 💌💌
Wowwwwwie. You have spoke to something I didn’t even know I needed. There are so many lines in here that my soul heard and said, “present!”
I’m very much a Type A introvert in the truest sense of the definition you provided. I am so lit upside by time alone. It’s rich and expansive, to me. People often argue with me that I’m not. Which is fun, of course. Just because I can be outgoing.
I often spend most of my free time alone. It’s taken a lot of conversations with friends to explain this isn’t a slight. And as you describe here, it comes up a lot during travel. I have to be very clear with the people I’m traveling with ahead of time.
ohh you offered so much for thought here!! I would say it’s fascinating how some of the type a introverts that I know are into travel, mostly solo travel, but they’re happy to be in community and making new friends.
Do you tend to travel and meet other introverts or extroverts? I usually gravitate to other type A introverts and i’m so grateful because they usually get me. There was one trip where I travelled with 3 extroverts and I just had to take a day out to do my thing because my spirit just needed to be alone and recharge at the beach with 0 words exchanged lool.I also felt your point about laying out boundaries, more people should talk about this. Thanks for reading and sharing Kaitlyn <3
It's one my goal sets of 2024 to do a solo trip. I'm running out of months that aren't jam packed but I am committed to making it happen even if it's the last week of December and I'm driving somewhere. It's happening.
It's kind of a mix for me regrading introverts and extroverts. I also think attachment style interplays with intro/extroversion in an interesting way. As I've gotten older, I've been delighted to find more introverts where I don't have to "explain myself." I have one friend in particular where our rhythms are so similar it feels so luxurious. Like a warm, soft, fuzzy blanket. I also have gotten slightly (slightly, being key here) more confident in how I work and able to articulate that easier and with less guilt and waffling which has helped tremendously.
Attachment style is a big one! Being in good company where you're seen and heard without even speaking is a real luxury. I'm so happy you've experienced this. Wishing you luck (and planning power!) for your 2024 solo trip
My wife is definitely an internet and I like to be - outside. I think a lot about the ways she has had to perform extrovertedness. I wonder does feeling at home feels easier when you travel as oppose to being with your family. Boundaries are sometimes easier to set with strangers than family members. Curious on your thoughts on this.
thank you for this Marc, it really made me think!! I guess it goes both ways. 1) I feel it is easier to define my boundaries when there is no previously known stimuli or nothing to remind me of how I used to show up (like reverting to your childhood ways of being when you’re in your childhood home/room for a period of time). Showing up according to my new definitions is smoother when there is noone who remembers how it has always been or to throw in doubt about the new pathways i’m intentionally creating. I love travel because it exposes me to new ways to be at my home in myself that I can reintroduce, with patience but yes, boundaries and 2) being at home with my family is a unique sweetness that can’t be explained. I love memory-making and reminiscing and just looking at how the literal home and my inner home has changed or remained over time so that is just that. Some things just are and we let them be, you know? I think either way I can always find space to choose for myself how I will honour home and that’s a great feeling.
Love that you and your wife balance out introvert/extrovert union. I would loveee to know if/how your wife has had to perform extrovertedness. Do you think parenting asks you to be more extroverted? I have always wondered how demanding it must be on certain personality types, especially as the littles start talking and getting into their formative years.
Also love the point about boundaries with strangers. That is a whole other essay, thanks for this too❤️
Re: extrovertedness - she has. My family is definitely on the louder and the all in your face (Haitian Caribbean). She had to perform in the beginning, but I realize how uncomfortable in made her, and I just let my family know, and through time she was different. I think parenting forces us to play a lot of different roles especially when it comes to family (like in laws).
OK got you, props to you for making space for your wife to show up authentically. That's beautiful. Also, I can see, or imagine, your point about family and the different roles you play. Thanks for sharing all of this and being here!
‘I am always at home I call myself home’ GIRL yes 🥹🥺 this was so lovely to read but that sentence resonates so hard I feel you! Viewing yourself as home must be so powerful and essential for solo travelling? Making sure you’ve always got your roots to help not get overwhelmed. I have never solo travelled anywhere (pandemic at 21 and then being sick for years can answer to that) and everytime i read your posts I want to more and more.
It’s such an interesting shift as a child/young adolescent solo travelling sounded like the most uninteresting thing ever and as I’ve grown up it’s turned into feeling like one the most interesting things to do! Love that narrative shift.
I used to think I was an extrovert but as I’ve gotten older I think I’m an introvert that loves people and connecting. Your time in Panama sounds divine thank you for sharing with us. That white sand blue sky picture made me well up (it’s raining here - ofc).
lovee that you felt that one. I love the sentiment too, there are so many lyrics and poems that speak to this but mostly I remember this song by Nai Palm called Homebody. Beautiful. And yes girl, I'd say it is essential to solo travel with grounding, especially in my experience as a woman. I'm an air sign too so it's easy for me to go all the damn way with the f l o w but being rooted has changed the game for me ahaha
I feel like solo travel (solo anything) translated to being a real loner when we were growing up but now it is more like a reclamation of control and independence. I love solo travelling because of this. It's also important to surrender control too and being in and around the world alone has helped me notice what I need to do to get comfortable with that. I pray you get the opportunity to solo travel sometime soon (to Belize first to come chill on the beach with me and then everywhere your heart desires) because it's such an interesting experience that can redirect our timeline in our 20s. Also your comments this week have helped me think about the body I'm in and how grateful I am to not have too many things to physically consider while planning trips abroad. That awareness is super important. I actually have a book for you that I think you're going to enjoy to this point - it's called HOW TO LIVE FREE IN A DANGEROUS WORLD: A Decolonial Memoir by Shayla Lawson. They write about travelling as a Black, femme, nonbinary, and disabled individual. I haven't been able to read my copy yet but let me know if you have/would like to xx
Also!!! soz about the rain, April is coming too so we know this isn't anywhere near the end of it.
I’m so unsurprised you’re an air sign. I’m a fire lmao, flowing is hard for me (understatement).
I completely agree - solo anything really was labelled as being a loner when we were younger. I wonder how much of that is cultural or whether as a child the prospect of doing things by yourself is just uncomfortable because you are not at ease with yourself yet. Probably both? In adulthood it is such a reclamation of control and independence - It is so beautiful to really take that time to experience life with yourself on your terms. Surrendering control is so hard, being put outside your comfort zone in solo travel I can definitely see how it forces that hand. You’ve got nothing to fall back on!
Girl. When my body is bouncing, my first international trip will be to Belize to be with you on a beach. I am not exaggerating- coming to the tourist attraction that is the butterfly lane trash alley xx I pray I get the opportunity too. 20s or 30s or whenever I get the opportunity I’ll be arms wide open to it. Not having to consider physical limitations is a real blessing! It’s an awareness that is so easily forgotten though, just the product of living in such an ableist society I think. You never consider it until you know someone who’s lost it.
I have not heard of that book yet but it sounds wonderful! Adding to tbr immediately when I next do an order I’ll grab it. I’d love to read it alongside you too so we can extensively discuss.
Since my comment the sun had come out!!!! But April is coming so there is no end of rain in sight. I did see a rainbow the other day, which couldn’t happen without rain. Able to see the pros. Very big of me xxx
Mm I’d say I’m an introvert with that’s good with communing and connecting with other people. I love my solitude, my self. I like to have full control over when to share experiences with others. I have a 2hr social battery with a 2hr recovery time 😂
My favorite solo trip was to LA. I stayed in an Airstream alone in Altadena, CA. It was great. Explored a food festival and hiked on my own. Met great people but the down time in the mountains was the best.
uh huhh that 2 hour recovery time is real!! My favourite part is feeling the last drip of social energy leave my body as I drift off into my dreams of my himalayan lit night routine 😂😂 i love that i’m at an age where I learn that others feel the way I do too and I’m not alone. And exploring LA alone sounds so fun, like it feels like an endless state to me as an outsider. Your retreat to the mountains sounds especially incredible. Solo hiking is medicine.
“It makes me question if ever we override extroversion or introversion for the sake of what we love.” I’ve always wondered this in the fluctuations between extroversion and introversion i’ve seen me go through but now that you raise this question I do think love can shift us that powerfully. The shy man who sees his dream girl or the timid woman who comes alive on stage. Love can shift us from who we are to what the moment needs us to be.
mmmm thank you for bringing this into the comment section. I feel it entirely and I’m glad that we’re beings who can be pulled to shift when love calls us ❤️I can think of a few moments when I’ve noticed that fluctuation in myself or others too
There is a magic to introverts, Amara…and you’ve captured that magic here. Sending respite from one introvert to another ❤️
thank you love! Receiving it, sending it your way too, and hoping you’re so well ❤️
Amara, as usual it seems your words are speaking directly to my soul! I think we are the same kind of type A introvert - lover of our solitude and lover of expanding through connection with people from all around the world. But then to be able to lovingly retreat back into ourselves and our own energy is such a beautiful thing. The stories you’ve shared here have me taking notes about where to go when I am feeling the need to tend to my solitude (like right now).
I never would have expected Hungary to be on this list, and that’s one of the many things I love about your essays. So many surprises about where you’ve been and what you’ve observed. Thank you for this gentle love letter to introverts. I feel we are not always appreciated, as you said, while living in an extroverted world.
I’m so glad that this spoke to you! Thank you for the love ❤️ I feel that many seem to resonate with this boundaried out-going/type A introveredness and i’m so grateful to be seen in this <3 Also, I look forward to hearing how this feels as you continue to travel.
Hungary was such a surprise!! I am tempted to recommend it in the summer just for some warmth and difference. Thanks for your reading and also for calling this a love letter to us, I hadn’t seen it in that way but grateful that you did 💌💌
Wowwwwwie. You have spoke to something I didn’t even know I needed. There are so many lines in here that my soul heard and said, “present!”
I’m very much a Type A introvert in the truest sense of the definition you provided. I am so lit upside by time alone. It’s rich and expansive, to me. People often argue with me that I’m not. Which is fun, of course. Just because I can be outgoing.
I often spend most of my free time alone. It’s taken a lot of conversations with friends to explain this isn’t a slight. And as you describe here, it comes up a lot during travel. I have to be very clear with the people I’m traveling with ahead of time.
ohh you offered so much for thought here!! I would say it’s fascinating how some of the type a introverts that I know are into travel, mostly solo travel, but they’re happy to be in community and making new friends.
Do you tend to travel and meet other introverts or extroverts? I usually gravitate to other type A introverts and i’m so grateful because they usually get me. There was one trip where I travelled with 3 extroverts and I just had to take a day out to do my thing because my spirit just needed to be alone and recharge at the beach with 0 words exchanged lool.I also felt your point about laying out boundaries, more people should talk about this. Thanks for reading and sharing Kaitlyn <3
It's one my goal sets of 2024 to do a solo trip. I'm running out of months that aren't jam packed but I am committed to making it happen even if it's the last week of December and I'm driving somewhere. It's happening.
It's kind of a mix for me regrading introverts and extroverts. I also think attachment style interplays with intro/extroversion in an interesting way. As I've gotten older, I've been delighted to find more introverts where I don't have to "explain myself." I have one friend in particular where our rhythms are so similar it feels so luxurious. Like a warm, soft, fuzzy blanket. I also have gotten slightly (slightly, being key here) more confident in how I work and able to articulate that easier and with less guilt and waffling which has helped tremendously.
Attachment style is a big one! Being in good company where you're seen and heard without even speaking is a real luxury. I'm so happy you've experienced this. Wishing you luck (and planning power!) for your 2024 solo trip
My wife is definitely an internet and I like to be - outside. I think a lot about the ways she has had to perform extrovertedness. I wonder does feeling at home feels easier when you travel as oppose to being with your family. Boundaries are sometimes easier to set with strangers than family members. Curious on your thoughts on this.
thank you for this Marc, it really made me think!! I guess it goes both ways. 1) I feel it is easier to define my boundaries when there is no previously known stimuli or nothing to remind me of how I used to show up (like reverting to your childhood ways of being when you’re in your childhood home/room for a period of time). Showing up according to my new definitions is smoother when there is noone who remembers how it has always been or to throw in doubt about the new pathways i’m intentionally creating. I love travel because it exposes me to new ways to be at my home in myself that I can reintroduce, with patience but yes, boundaries and 2) being at home with my family is a unique sweetness that can’t be explained. I love memory-making and reminiscing and just looking at how the literal home and my inner home has changed or remained over time so that is just that. Some things just are and we let them be, you know? I think either way I can always find space to choose for myself how I will honour home and that’s a great feeling.
Love that you and your wife balance out introvert/extrovert union. I would loveee to know if/how your wife has had to perform extrovertedness. Do you think parenting asks you to be more extroverted? I have always wondered how demanding it must be on certain personality types, especially as the littles start talking and getting into their formative years.
Also love the point about boundaries with strangers. That is a whole other essay, thanks for this too❤️
I love this line. and I understand it completely.
Re: extrovertedness - she has. My family is definitely on the louder and the all in your face (Haitian Caribbean). She had to perform in the beginning, but I realize how uncomfortable in made her, and I just let my family know, and through time she was different. I think parenting forces us to play a lot of different roles especially when it comes to family (like in laws).
OK got you, props to you for making space for your wife to show up authentically. That's beautiful. Also, I can see, or imagine, your point about family and the different roles you play. Thanks for sharing all of this and being here!
‘I am always at home I call myself home’ GIRL yes 🥹🥺 this was so lovely to read but that sentence resonates so hard I feel you! Viewing yourself as home must be so powerful and essential for solo travelling? Making sure you’ve always got your roots to help not get overwhelmed. I have never solo travelled anywhere (pandemic at 21 and then being sick for years can answer to that) and everytime i read your posts I want to more and more.
It’s such an interesting shift as a child/young adolescent solo travelling sounded like the most uninteresting thing ever and as I’ve grown up it’s turned into feeling like one the most interesting things to do! Love that narrative shift.
I used to think I was an extrovert but as I’ve gotten older I think I’m an introvert that loves people and connecting. Your time in Panama sounds divine thank you for sharing with us. That white sand blue sky picture made me well up (it’s raining here - ofc).
lovee that you felt that one. I love the sentiment too, there are so many lyrics and poems that speak to this but mostly I remember this song by Nai Palm called Homebody. Beautiful. And yes girl, I'd say it is essential to solo travel with grounding, especially in my experience as a woman. I'm an air sign too so it's easy for me to go all the damn way with the f l o w but being rooted has changed the game for me ahaha
I feel like solo travel (solo anything) translated to being a real loner when we were growing up but now it is more like a reclamation of control and independence. I love solo travelling because of this. It's also important to surrender control too and being in and around the world alone has helped me notice what I need to do to get comfortable with that. I pray you get the opportunity to solo travel sometime soon (to Belize first to come chill on the beach with me and then everywhere your heart desires) because it's such an interesting experience that can redirect our timeline in our 20s. Also your comments this week have helped me think about the body I'm in and how grateful I am to not have too many things to physically consider while planning trips abroad. That awareness is super important. I actually have a book for you that I think you're going to enjoy to this point - it's called HOW TO LIVE FREE IN A DANGEROUS WORLD: A Decolonial Memoir by Shayla Lawson. They write about travelling as a Black, femme, nonbinary, and disabled individual. I haven't been able to read my copy yet but let me know if you have/would like to xx
Also!!! soz about the rain, April is coming too so we know this isn't anywhere near the end of it.
I’m so unsurprised you’re an air sign. I’m a fire lmao, flowing is hard for me (understatement).
I completely agree - solo anything really was labelled as being a loner when we were younger. I wonder how much of that is cultural or whether as a child the prospect of doing things by yourself is just uncomfortable because you are not at ease with yourself yet. Probably both? In adulthood it is such a reclamation of control and independence - It is so beautiful to really take that time to experience life with yourself on your terms. Surrendering control is so hard, being put outside your comfort zone in solo travel I can definitely see how it forces that hand. You’ve got nothing to fall back on!
Girl. When my body is bouncing, my first international trip will be to Belize to be with you on a beach. I am not exaggerating- coming to the tourist attraction that is the butterfly lane trash alley xx I pray I get the opportunity too. 20s or 30s or whenever I get the opportunity I’ll be arms wide open to it. Not having to consider physical limitations is a real blessing! It’s an awareness that is so easily forgotten though, just the product of living in such an ableist society I think. You never consider it until you know someone who’s lost it.
I have not heard of that book yet but it sounds wonderful! Adding to tbr immediately when I next do an order I’ll grab it. I’d love to read it alongside you too so we can extensively discuss.
Since my comment the sun had come out!!!! But April is coming so there is no end of rain in sight. I did see a rainbow the other day, which couldn’t happen without rain. Able to see the pros. Very big of me xxx
Mm I’d say I’m an introvert with that’s good with communing and connecting with other people. I love my solitude, my self. I like to have full control over when to share experiences with others. I have a 2hr social battery with a 2hr recovery time 😂
My favorite solo trip was to LA. I stayed in an Airstream alone in Altadena, CA. It was great. Explored a food festival and hiked on my own. Met great people but the down time in the mountains was the best.
uh huhh that 2 hour recovery time is real!! My favourite part is feeling the last drip of social energy leave my body as I drift off into my dreams of my himalayan lit night routine 😂😂 i love that i’m at an age where I learn that others feel the way I do too and I’m not alone. And exploring LA alone sounds so fun, like it feels like an endless state to me as an outsider. Your retreat to the mountains sounds especially incredible. Solo hiking is medicine.