Hidden growth and being on your own timeline

notes from my saturn return + some more

“As you wander into the desert, go boldly, but remember to tie your camel down” — an ancient proverb I’ve been holding recently, passed on to me by a nomadic friend.

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Welcome to the Life Is In Love With Me newsletter if you’re new. If you’re a regular recipient of these reminders of love, welcome back 🌹🥭🌹🥭🌹🥭

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Hello,

I hope that all is well where you are and that you have, at the very least, the knowledge that someone somewhere is praying for you and sending love to meet you right where you are— right where you are. I mean that because every thought is a prayer and we deserve to know that we are recipients of multiple prayers per day. This is a prayer too.

Originally this was set to be a March letter, but I came back to it when it felt aligned post-Spring Equinox to spill some of the thoughts from my notebooks to yours. I wrote you a letter today to gently prompt some conversation on two of my favourite topics: hidden growth and Saturn returns.

I’m in the midst of my first Saturn Return, actually towards the last part of it now since my Saturn is in Pisces. Most people consider this period of your late twenties to be testing or where the growth is most felt. It has been a chance to see the repeating patterns, end them (and we’re in a year of 9 which is a year of closing things out), send them off with grace, love, sureness and focus on which ones will be the replacements, sitting through the discomfort like the first days back to school in new kickers. We’ve been here since March 2023 and for me it’s been a series of unravelling and unravelling until there is nothing left to touch but the tender thing at the centre of you that you have been led to believe cannot be reached and mustn’t be prodded. The million petalled thing that is not attuned to the distractions, that is sacred yes but not much more than you are, beloved, and though so tender is alive and wants you near, nearer. In a space where growth is hidden only to the world for now, but is known intimately by you as you sit still in the cocoon. Allowing it all.

I also am figuring it out sha and making couple mistakes. It’s been a journey.

And one of my many mirrors teaching me the ways of lifting limitations and learning to remeet the self, in all of her forms, with so much grace.

I think one of the best things about the circumstances of life that I find myself in this time round on Earth is that I don’t appreciate a stifled, not-mine life. Living outside the box, living on my own timeline, exiting the societal expectations that don’t fit me anymore — the friendships, loves, jobs I quit with no back-up, the beauty standards, the behaviours I can’t normalise in a backward society. This is what I think Saturn returns shed a bit of light on. The ill-fittingness of how things were (or had to be). The awareness that certain things don’t belong in this space, this sacred temple of a life that you build and live in. Things not worth ignoring like the beeping (broken) smoke detector, the habit that is not a habit but a choice you didn’t realise you had the authority to change.

A deeper awareness of what it means to receive has come up for me too. Knowing that I may widen my capacity to receive, to be helped, to be a vessel, to know that there is an inherent worthiness within me so that I see that being glad to receive is a part of the flow of things, part of my vitality and ability to give. This is my work as I reconstruct my ideas about the role of exchange and reintegration which nature consistently teaches me.

These are my fieldnotes. There have been more things, but these are what I bring into the space. For the first-time Saturn returners, what have been your themes? How has it affected you, your last few years, your onward journey? And for everyone else, what did you learn/wish to learn from the late twenties stage?

Journal Prompts for nudging yourself into being truthfully you

I find journalling to be a source of reflection. Not just self-reflection, but connected innerstanding of how our showing up and observations may impact our internal environment, our homes, our communities, and our planet. It is another one of my mirrors that I am happy to share where I can. Out of this period of unravelling and returning to myself, I created The Easeful Place, a community and resource for intimacy, unlearning, and discovering soulful creativity. The Easeful Place is built on a practice of decolonial mindfulness and restoring ease through journalling, gathering, and creating what you want to see in the world. Here are some prompts I sent out a while ago and wanted to share with you here:

1. Who are you when rooted in your essence?

2. What can you practice more of?

3. What leaves you feeling disconnected? How can you practice less of it?

4. What do you need to stand up to in this season?

5. Where do you feel most reminded of your power/prowess?

6. How does your most empowered self view your next season?

7. What limiting beliefs do you give yourself permission to release?

8. What are your passions that you’ve never said out loud before?

9. List your inner strengths - and thank each one.

10. When was the last time you went through a transformation? What died and what was reborn?

11. What/who do you need to let go of to move into a new season with safety and surety?

12. What is within your control to change?

13. What sits outside of your control to change?

14. What softens you?

15. Describe in detail how you are when you get your spark back. Use this as your script.

Ase.

— Feel free to journal with us if these feel nourishing. Consider this your forever invitation.

Thank you, so much, for being here. Below I share some more writings that I hope you will enjoy.

Pisces season and the overstimulated artist, a remedy

The infantilization of kind people

A story about quitting my job to write

Musings on Black nomadism (pt 1)

The Friday unwind 004: When there is nothing to become

If you would like to connect with me beyond Substack (I am often away but always open to holding space), feel free to reach out via my website or join The Easeful Place for weekly intimacy and offerings.

Love,

Amara Amaryah